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Vol. 2: Stupid People Have Unprotected Sex

God commanded us to abstain from sex until marriage for a very important reason.  It’s not because he wants us to be boring rejects either…  If you think its acceptable to go around, screwing random people all your life, then you are an idiot. 

I personally know of two females who contracted AIDS/HIV from their sexual partner.  Both of them live in the Washington DC area and both also contracted this deadly virus from the person they trusted the most – THEIR HUSBANDS!  With that said, if a woman can get AIDS from her husband, she can DEFINITELY get it from random dude she hooked up with at the club.  Why put your health in the hands of someone who doesn’t value you?  Why put yourself in a position to contract a disease that will haunt you for the rest of your life just for a few moments of pleasure?  It’s just not that serious for you to risk your life and health for sex…

Not only do you risk DEATH – as if that isn’t an important enough reason to abstain – you also risk becoming a single parent.  Now before you go and cuss me out in your mind, listen to what I have to say.  After all, I was a single parent for six years so I know firsthand how stupid that idea is…

Some people get divorced or their spouse dies, so if that is your situation then I am not referring to you.  I am referring to an unmarried person who conceives a child.  This is a very selfish thing to do.  When I had my beautiful baby boy, I was more than happy to be a single parent for the rest of my life because I was a big time “man hater” at that point in my life.  Also, I felt that I had no need or desire to have a man in my life and that I was more than capable of raising a child on my own.  Boy was I stupid…  It was easy when he was a baby, but the older he got, I realized how selfish of me it was to deprive him of the right to grow up with a mom AND dad.  When I was tired, I couldn’t tell him to go bug dad.  When he was sick, I couldn’t tell dad to stay home with him so I could go to work.  And most importantly, I’m a WOMAN. What the hell do I know about raising a BOY to be a MAN? Not a damn thing, that’s what…  As manly as I can be sometimes, I am definitely not qualified to show my son what it takes to be a man.  I can tell him what I think he should do and be and how he should treat a woman but I cannot be an example of what a good man is.  That would be like me going to auto mechanic school to learn how to be a doctor.  It’s just not natural…

Last but not least, abstinent people live drama free lives.  How often have you been involved in some drama with an ex-lover or heard horror stories of another person’s experience?  People get stalked, harassed, assaulted, property damaged and all kinds of unnecessary drama as a result of crazy ex’s that can’t let go.  And how much does it suck when you hook up with someone who you really, really, REALLY like and they don’t have the same feelings for you?  Now you are stuck feeling foolish and he/she is prolly joking on you behind your back because they took advantage of your stupid self…  It’s just not a good look folks.

Abstaining from sex until marriage doesn’t mean you are weird; it means you are wise!  There are so many other things in life to be concerned about other than who to have sex with.  If you are not practicing safe sex, I hope you start today…

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Vol.1-Stupid People Ask Redundant Questions

I will introduce you now to Tom and Becky and their two year old son, Frank Jr.  They are visiting our nation’s capitol from a land far, far away-Alexandria, VA.  They are lost in DC, attempting to take their bundle of joy to the National Zoo to see lions and tigers and bears…Oh Crap! After hours of tooling around, they discover they have not magically shape-shifted into the zoo so they stop me, of all people, to ask for directions.

I say “me of all people” because I truly mean it. Why me god? Do I have “Washington DC Tour Guide” printed across my bosom?  I hate when people ask me for directions. Especially when they are NOWHERE NEAR the destination. Especially when they travelled from out of town, into my town, and have NO IDEA where they are going.

When I travel to a land far, far away, I ALWAYS have a plan. I outline all the places I plan to visit and I map them out so that I will avoid getting lost.  I don’t like being lost on foreign territory.  It’s a very frightening feeling for me to be lost amongst a bunch of strange people in a strange land and I would assume that I am not the only person who feels that way.  However, I am proven wrong on a regular basis. 

Back to Tom, Becky and Frank Jr.  Of course it is Becky who frantically walks up to me and states, “Excuse me Ma’am. We are visiting your magical city from a land far, far away and we are so stupid, we are just walking around aimlessly and have NO IDEA where we are going. We would like to see the lions and tigers and bears at your illustrious National Zoo.  Would you please PLEASE advise us imbeciles on how to get there?”

I immediately turn my frown upside down at the sound of Becky’s voice.  I roll my eyes so exaggerated that they almost fall out of the sockets.  I let out a loud sigh and repeat to myself over and over again, “WWJD?WWJD?WWJD?WWJD?”  Jesus was a very patient, tolerant man.  I think I may attempt to be like him someday… Just not TODAY!

Truthfully, I take my Prince to the zoo maybe once a year when I feel young, energetic and full of vigor.  It is an all day event; the zoo is huge!  A fat person’s nightmare to be honest… I have no idea how to get there from memory. I usually plug the addy into my GPS and let the computer guide my steps.  With that said, I don’t know an accurate route from our current location so I do what I always do when confronted by stupid people who travel out of town without a map-I GAVE HER THE WRONG DIRECTIONS!!!!  I advised Becky that the zoo is about five blocks north and on the right side of the street. You will NEVER IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS guess how Becky responded after that!

Becky snatched a map- A *&%@#^! MAP -from her stupid husband’s stupid paws- and had the AUDACITY to say to me, “But the map says the zoo is right across the street.”  I look up and guess what? SHE IS RIGHT! We are standing directly across the street from the zoo! unbelievable! I had to walk away. I felt my skin turning green and my internal hulk was ready to burst out of my clothes. I wanted to know why would she stop me, little ol’ me, minding my business, and ask me directions to a place when she had a map the whole time? Was she in a state of disbelief that maybe this was not the REAL zoo and needed confirmation? Could she not decipher the humongous sign that read “NATIONAL ZOO” directly in front of her stupid face? I just don’t understand…  I don’t think I will ever understand why stupid people do stupid things.

The moral of this first installment is: There is no such thing as a stupid question but there is such a thing as stupid people.

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